How to Watch Family Movies (Incorrectly, But With Joy)

As we enter peak summer movie season, I thought I’d share how I do family movies nights…by which I mean: I spend the entire time bothering my husband.

I don’t make the rules. I just enforce them.

Disney Musicals

Examples: Encanto, High School Musical, Greatest Showman

Sing every song.

Cry at every other song

Explain to your husband why you are crying as if he’s never met your family before.

90s Preteen Films

Examples: Mighty ducks, Sandlot, Baby Sitters Club

Go over out loud which boys you wanted to kiss.

Take a picture of the screen, circle the cute ones, X out the duds, and text it to your husband just to make sure he knows your childhood crushes.

Lastly, remind him of the posters that adorned your walls of the many teen heartthrobs of the period.

Optional: Reenact scenes you and your sister performed as kids—for an audience of zero who asked.

Old Disney Movies

Examples: Peter Pan, Pinocchio, Aristocats

Interrupt every few minutes to ask if he thinks this scene is problematic now.

Ask him if he has seen this movie.

Ask him if he liked this movie.

He doesn’t care or have an answer for either but it does bother everyone that you won’t stop talking.

Make sure your husband stays awake by providing constant commentary on outdated cultural moments.

Pixar Movies

Examples: Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Toy Story 3…

Cry. A lot.

Cry again.

Cry because Andy gave his toys away.

Cry thinking about your son going to college (he’s 5)

Have your husband give you looks because you’ve definitely seen Toy Story before—why are you crying AGAIN?

Stupid Boy Movies

Examples: Sigh, this includes LEGO movies, superhero franchises, and anything with the word “quantum.”

Complain.

Explain why certain jokes aren’t funny.

Explain that Lego’s are stupid.

Explain that Batman is also stupid. “He’s not even like a real ughhhhh whatever.“

Your son will defend Batman. Your husband will defend Batman. You are outnumbered but correct.

When your nieces are around: Princess Movies

Examples: Frozen, Cinderella, Moana

Soak in every second and then spend the rest explaining to your husband why that movie is so good. “She’s really the hero of her own life.“

Movies I Haven’t Seen:

I haven't seen certain in-between movies yet like Trolls or Sing, but I’m sure I’ll find a way to be annoying then too. Even if it means just eating all the popcorn first.

The goal isn’t to watch the movie quietly. The goal is to make sure everyone knows exactly what you’re thinking at all times. This is called “sharing the experience,” and your family is welcome.

Defend your movie-watching crimes in the comments. Are you team “constant commentary” or team “silent suffering”?

And more importantly, which 90s heartthrob did YOU have on your wall?