Different Decades, Shared Passions: A Conversation Between Two Female Writers
I’m Just A Woman (29): I’m turning 30, she’s 41. We thought it would be fun to ask each other questions about womanhood spanning two different decades but somehow end up talking about the same stuff:
What’s it really like to hit those milestone birthdays we all secretly (or not so secretly) think about? In one of our first (and certainly not last) collaborations we discuss all the ins, outs, ups, downs, failures, successes and everything in between. Do we ever get to an age where we stop growing, learning? How much of us stays the same and how much changes? This isn’t just an interview but an insight of what can happen when women come together, share notes and exchange stories. No matter the age. Together, we are mixing our love of writing with our passion for feminism. With 0 competition, 0 jealously, 0 judgement - just 100% good vibes and female fucking empowerment.
Nicki (41): So here it is, exploring how growing older has only intensified my feminism. The only natural thing to do is go over aging, ambition, solidarity, and whether any of us actually know what the fuck we’re doing. Two women, two decades, one Substack collab.
I’m Just A Woman (IJAW): And mine, going into my 30s.
On to the questions!
What’s one outdated idea about feminism you’re personally trying to dismantle?
Nicki: Wow, right into the deep end! I always cared a lot about feminism and have been an outspoken feminist, but I think I had a blind spot for a long time about the journey of pregnancy. I’ve always been pro-choice, but I didn’t understand until I was older that “choice” requires information we’re systematically denied. For every aspect, getting pregnant, staying pregnant, postpartum. How much shame, secrets, and lack of research is surrounding all of these topics. When I was young, I assumed doctors knew what they were doing and everyone had the tools they needed to handle each situation. I was wrong. Just so wrong. I want women to never feel anything but empowered about whatever they choose to do with their bodies.
IJAW: Talk about starting off with a bang, I love it! I’m definitely on the same page as Nicki here, growing up - I was so unaware of all the struggles and pressures society and science was going to pour onto me and my friends. It was only until my college years when I heard of girls having miscarriages, abortions, becoming pregnant at a young age and what choices/support they did and didn’t have. The judgement I would hear or see would make me feel nothing but empathy for these girls that have something so major happening in their lives, but with what support, advice and information? As Nicki has said, there is so much shame and lack of research which has and still is contributing too much in society. There are so many different ways a woman’s body is not seen as her choice - which is fucking ridiculous. The minute my body had developed is the minute I became this sexualised object. I was no longer just a person but a body for boys and men to glare and think is okay to touch, UGH. Ultimately, we both want the same thing - in every situation possible. We just want women to feel strong, comfortable and absolutely in charge of their bodies and whatever they choose to do with zero fucking shame.
If your 20s had a soundtrack and your 40s had a soundtrack, what songs would be on repeat?
Nicki: My 20s were about figuring myself out on my own. Learning things the hard way, leaving men who took advantage of me, then taking them back. Twice. Learning a lot about friendships, and how to be my authentic self. Here’s an untouched playlist from that era. For my 40s, I want to clarify that I’m an older new mom, my son is 5 so right now I know every word to the Lego Batman Soundtrack.
IJAW: Oh wow, I love this! So much choice, I’ve gotta admit. My 20s were all about finding myself too - trying to figure out who I truly was instead of who I was trying to be. I’ve got to say, Jessie J’s music has always been with me throughout my life so maybe ‘Who You Are’. Then again, in my early 20s I felt so rebellious so I’ve gotta throw in some Pink - ‘So What’. Too many to name! For my late 20s, becoming 30? Yep, Jessie J - her newest single ‘Living My Best Life’ because right now, that is exactly what I’m doing. Approaching 30 is less daunting that I thought it would be and more exciting.
What’s one thing women in their 20s and 40s can learn from each other right now?
Nicki: I spend too much time cataloging what previous generations (the boomer and Gen X feminism) got wrong. I think women in their 20’s aren’t doing that and they are more focused on just living feminist principles without announcing them. Even women who reject the label are posting their boundaries online, questioning default arrangements, refusing the old scripts. They’re not waiting for permission to be heard. That’s the lesson: momentum matters more than perfect ideology.
IJAW: I think that’s so interesting! It’s fascinating how women of different ages still think so similar yet so unique. Personally, I agree that some people can hurt the movement with the word ‘Feminism’ being used incorrectly by uneducated people unfortunately. We don’t hate men, we want equality for everyone. It’s the fact women have always unfortunately had the latter so we are always going to be fighting more for women, obviously. Every single woman is different when it comes to fighting for independence too, it means something different for everyone and it’s an amazing feeling of togetherness when we can talk about this, share our stories and all stand together for what is right - which is free choice, equality and safety for every single woman. Sorry if I went slightly off track there, oopsies! Hehe.
What’s one thing you’d tell younger women about solidarity?
Nicki: Sticking together doesn’t mean sacrificing your needs. It’s hard in this political environment, especially in America, to do the feminist work knowing there are other women actively working against their best interest. But what I know now is we are all in the same boat, so we all need to work together to not tip it over. As scary as that seems.
IJAW: YES. Amen to this. I’ve seen so many women calling out other women for not being a ‘correct’ feminist, when simply they are just choosing something different. Some girls think we should all be the same and that’s not the case at all. Feminism is about standing in solidarity with each other embracing each other’s differences and respecting each other’s choices - not judging them. If a woman wants to do Onlyfans - she can and probably is still a feminist. I’ve seen so many women turning against female sex workers for example because they see it as ‘ruining’ the movement. We need to remember it’s about choice. We will always be stronger when we are together, so young girls - start this early and don’t judge each other but have each other’s backs.
How did you imagine aging would feel when you were younger, and what’s been the reality?
Nicki: I thought aging was going to be cool. For the most part, I believe, women look their best as they get older and then you just turn at some corner and voila, you’re Meryl Streep. What I’m noticing now as I am 41 is it’s a lot of working out, and protein, and retinol, and dermatologist appointments, and hair treatments. Mainly it’s just another version of puberty. The hormones suck and you don’t know anything you should know because what’s being sold to me versus what’s the truth. I thought confidence would arrive like a delivery: here, you’re 40, here’s your self-assurance.
IJAW: When I was really young, I think we all have this exciting thought that you can do whatever the fuck you want, sleep when you want, buy what you want, stay out as late as you want etc. Then reality hits and it’s not as simple as that, obviously. Women are still under some sort of control in which they can’t do what they want, or they can - but there may be consequences. Sure, stay out as late as you want- but don’t walk on your own at night. Sure, wear what you want, but you’re probably going to get judged by society. It’s never ending, honestly. I’m so tired of the narrative that as women get older, they become instantly less appealing. They are no longer seen as sexual humans, their expiry date is coming up. Fuck off! If anything, getting older - I feel even more sexually liberated, I feel more confident and long may this continue. Women don’t need to have surgery to still be attractive, stop attacking women and just let them be. Let’s stick with the other narrative instead shall we? Women age like fine wine. Cheers to that!
What’s your current definition of “having it together,” and how often do you actually feel like you’re there?
Nicki: I think “having it together” might just be a way to keep women striving for an unachievable goal and distracted from just having joy, whatever that journey to joy brings you. When we focus on the work that needs to be done (at the home, at the office, with our partners, etc) we aren’t able to stay focused on the feminist work at hand.
IJAW: I don’t actually know if this even exists. Does anyone actually ‘have it together’? I always thought when I was younger ‘I’ll have life sorted when I’m in my teens’ then ‘I’ll have it together when I’m 25’ Then again ‘I’ll have my life together at 30’ It just feels ongoing. I don’t think it’s a bad thing either necessarily. As humans, we are always evolving, always adapting and always experimenting. How can you ever truly have something ‘together’. I feel like I’m in a really good position in life, but I think it’s unrealistic to say ‘I’ve got my life together’ . I think life will never be fully perfect. I think it’s more about how happy you are, that’s what I believe truly matters. As long as you keep going, keep trying and stay motivated on what you want- I think that’s the most important thing.
So that’s it—29 and 41, different decades, similar questions.
So, whether you’re stepping into your 30s with fresh ambition or embracing 40 with seasoned confidence - both milestones remind us that passion for feminism and standing up for what is right, doesn’t fade with age. Both decades bring new challenges, tackle old patterns, try new experiences and open up exciting opportunities. This piece brought together two female writers, different decades, different perspectives but one thing remains the same: the FIRE.
Now it’s your turn!
What does “cheering for other women” look like to you in practice?
Have you ever been shocked by who showed up (or didn’t) when you needed support?
What’s something about yourself that’s grown stronger with age?
Who’s your current female idol of womanhood?
Let us know your thoughts and please feel free to ask us more questions and we can answer them in another post - how exciting!
A collaborative piece from two writers: Nicki Klutts (Standing in my kitchen alone) & I’m Just A Woman
 | A guest post by
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I love this so much. So much wisdom here.